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Janelle Lewis

Looking for Love

I am one of six children and grew up in a strict and abusive single parent household. My father was abusive and he left when I was a baby. I think his lack of involvement in my life led me to search for love from other men. As a teenager I rebelled against the strict structure at home. I would lie to my mom, sneak out of the house and even stole money and items from a store. I found myself in verbally abusive relationships, depressed, pessimistic, selfish, binge eating, making bad decisions and hating myself as a result.

One day, my grandmother told me she was starting not to like me because of my actions. I was shocked because up until that point I felt like I could do no wrong in my grandmother's eyes. I thought to myself, “God must not like my actions either.” I had gone to church as a child but it was more like a routine than a personal relationship with God. At the age of 17, I recommitted my life to Christ. I was looking for satisfaction and comfort in relationships with men. I found perfect love and satisfaction in Christ.

Once I decided to live for Christ, he began to work in my life. I was not pessimistic but optimistic, not depressed but full of joy and instead of making bad decisions I made holy decisions. God began to bless me in every aspect of my life and supplied all my needs. Church was no longer a routine for me, but I had begun to develop an intimate relationship with God. I started to read and study his Word. God revealed to me he had a loving plan for my life. I am thankful that I discovered and accepted the love of Christ.